Let your colleagues know—as subtly as possible—that being upset, angry, or “difficult” is not the best way to get what they need. You can start by saying, “I care. Help me understand what you are concerned about.” By saying this and then listening, often the anger will fade away. Once your colleagues have calmed down, you can say, “Thank you for explaining this to me. Let’s solve this problem together. It’s not us or them. It’s just us.” And then you can get to work solving the problem.

• Plan how you’ll work together. One way to defuse a difficult situation is to pull out a piece of paper and decide what actions each of you will take next. This helps remove emotional tension and gets everyone down to work.

The sooner you say, “Let’s figure this thing out. What action can I take that will create value for you? Let’s agree on next steps. Let’s make some promises to each other,” the better. Working this way creates a culture of colleagues taking action to create value for each other. It takes emotion out of the equation and creates a platform where people can work more effectively with each other.

• Role model the right behavior. One of the best ways to make this behavior a part of your company culture is to role model it yourself. And you can do this from any position in the organization: from the top, the middle or the front lines. Eventually, your colleagues will see how you handle these situations and how well your approach leads to positive action.

When others see that problems don’t need to be painful, that emotions don’t need to be escalated, they’ll realize that “difficult situations” don’t need to consume all your energy, or your entire day. As more and more people inside your organization take this approach, they will recognize this is what the culture is becoming, this is what our company really is. Everyone will see that this approach really works, and everyone will want to take part.

Think about it like this: The “difficult” co-workers you encounter on a given workday are simply people seeking service. Being able to recognize and reconcile those situations internally is just as important as being able to recognize when a customer interaction has gone south. With surprising service coming from the inside, it’s easier to step up your service on the outside. And when that happens, everyone at the organization wins.

Ron Kaufman is the founder of UP! Your Service, a global service education and management consultancy firm with offices in the United States and Singapore. 
He is also a columnist at Bloomberg Business Week and the author of 14 other books on service, business and inspiration.